It's been a long, cold winter!

 Wow! I think Spring is finally here, but in Michigan we don't get really excited until the end of May! Ha! you may think I'm kidding, but I'm not! :)

So you may notice a previous post with today's date, but that's another confusing aspect of using this program that I never took the time to truly understand. I tried to update a 2006 blog post and it posted today. :) Oh well, brought me into a conversation with my grandson who is now in his 20's, so that's a good thing!

This blog never really became the "conversation piece" I wanted it to be, but that's because 1. I would forget about using it... 2. I couldn't decide who my audience was and 3. I didn't post consistantly when I did have active followers. Now I have settled on the idea that it's just something I've been doing for 20 yrs. and there's no reason to stop now!

I'm still trying to get the nerve to tell everyone about this charming look at my inner soul. More like your everyday grocery list as far as an exciting or even interesting read, but I guess I shouldn't degrade myself like that! :)

I'm also still trying to stop procrastinating! That's probably what causes most of my worries/depression/frustration....it's just not good for anything!! Now I'm out of the mood for going deep so I will leave this for today and come back soon...

Summer blahs...

I need to explain this post....it was originally posted in June of 2006! This morning (Mar 2026), I was reading old posts and decided to add the pic of Zach with the snails and then re-publish it. I didn't realize it was going to publish as a new blog! LOL....

June 2006...I don't know if it's related to menopause or not, but the hot sunny weather really slows me down! I'm one of those people who prefers cool, cloudy, even rainy days to the hot, bright, sunny days. A lot of it IS the heat factor. Even though I don't get major hot flashes anymore, I do heat up pretty fast once the temperature rises and my body seems to hold the heat longer, making it difficult to cool down and feel comfortable.

Once I get heated up, I start SWELLING up and then I'm REALLY uncomfortable! It affects all parts of my life whether I'm trying to work and can't get cooled off enough to concentrate, or if I have my grandkids over and I'm somewhat crabby. I try not to let how I'm feeling affect them, but when I have no energy, feel generally crappy, have swollen ankles or didn't sleep well, it tends to lower the quality of the visit. That's when I start feeling guilty and then over-indulge them to make up for it.

I managed to do pretty well yesterday when my two oldest grandsons came over. They've been asking for weeks if they could come and spend the night, so I finally said ok for last night. I told their mom to drop them off around 4pm yesterday and I cooked hotdogs and hamburgers on the grill. It was pretty muggy yesterday, plus I had a visit to the dentist earlier (to check on when I can get my dental implants), so I was a bit irritable by the time they got here.

It started raining so we were forced to stay inside and the first thing they said was "it's COLD in here!" Well, let's look at the facts....it's summer, it's muggy, and Grandma is menopausal. Of COURSE it's cold in here!! That's the only thing that's going to allow you both to live through the night! Ok, so I probably wouldn't kill them, but I could make their lives miserable for 24 hours! I gave them each a sweatshirt to wear and settled down to watch a movie. Naturally, they wanted snacks so we made kool-aid popsicles and while they were freezing, we went and got ice cream! The last thing I need is ice cream, but ..... oh well!

After the rain, Zach found something to keep busy with! 

I downloaded two movies for them on pay-for-view...at $3.99 each that's a lot cheaper than taking them to the theater! :) I also let them play on the computer for an hour (each) while I watched a couple of my shows last night.

Today I told them that since it's a workday they wouldn't be able to use the computer because I use it all day long. You should have seen the long faces and the slump on the couch and the "I'm bored" comments!! I fully suspect that since I'm the only grandma with an internet connection, that's the main reason they love to come here. :) It's my fault though, I start all of them using the computer at 3, so by the time they're 5 they can play age-appropriate games and create wonderful art pieces that always get hung on my fridge.

They were just picked up a few minutes ago and now I'm back to my menopausal madness, but without an excuse....the kids are gone, it's quiet around here and it's totally clouded over and cooled off about 10 degrees. Guess I'll try to make the most of the day.

Hey! It's 2026...Anyone Here?

Did you see when I posted last time? It's getting to be one post every 2 yrs! Well, not really, I did make one post last year (2025)

We've been in a very cold freeze here in Michigan for about a month (it feels like)! It has been too cold to go out so now my battery is dead and I'm waiting on road service to come. I'm sure it's going to take a long time, but I'll be patient.

So, basically the paint has slowed down over the past 5-6 months. I haven't been promoting it or talking to people about what I do, so that is how I control the flow. My last two were gifts...a high top Air Jordan and a cute dog (won the bid at Orion Library fundraiser). I've done a couple of playing around paintings too. 

    

I've been trying to get this first 2026 post finished for a week, but keep getting distracted by family issues, frigid weather and crazy political news. I'm praying for all 3 issues to calm down eventually, but have to be prepared for any further ups and downs.

As always, I will try to post more often, but it would really help if any of my followers would comment or even say "HI"....I'm sure I've lost so many along the way, but if you're still with me....YAY!!! ♥

In case you are just interested in seeing my watercolors, you can follow me on Instagram here: 

https://www.instagram.com/dees_watercolors or https://www.instagram.com/minniepauz48

Last day of May 2025...

Still haven't figured out what I'm trying to say...and to whom.

How can you get this far in life and not know who you are and what you want to say?

I just have to get brave about letting people know about this blog, for one thing. Hello People!! Here I am!! LOL!!

Concentrating on art today...taking a friend to a cat sanctuary that is having a painting class! :) Also, have 2 commissions to start... 

 

So Cute!

See you next month!! :)

Funny how I skipped over April....now into May

 Proud of myself for not skipping the rest of the year, but I'm struggling to sort things out in my mind. 

Going through a lot of emotions for several months and seem to be locked, tied in knots. Even the art therapy isn't helping me release...but only into it a few weeks, so I have hope. It helps to hear others finding their way to express what they want and where they want to be....

The art therapy I mentioned came across my FB feed offering an Art Retreat (online) with 3 days free, so that drew me in and there's a wonderful program run by a wonderful (qualified) art therapist, Leah Gutzman. "I support creatives with healing and manifesting their desires utilizing art media through art therapy services and coaching." Even if you don't feel you're an artist, this could be just what you need to become one!

The art I'm doing in this program is not anything like doing pet portraits, which I've been doing for 4 yrs. :) In fact, it's hard to even recognize my art! For instance...

 to this    

Quite a difference in style and purpose...that's ok, I needed a shift of activities. This art therapy is about "self-care", which all of us hopefully are paying attention to!

So at least I made a post for May....considering that I'm having to learn Windows 11 now, it's a miracle I can post at all! LOL!

Such a bad blogger!

    OMG, my last blog was in 2023?? What is wrong with me, LOL...why can't I keep up with this blog? There must be some deep-seeded reason why I avoid coming here, so what do you say we dig into it right now?! :)

Let's start at the beginning! I was born in April 1948, in Missouri! So yes, I'm a natural hillbilly and have lived 77 years on this earth!

I'm not going to make this a long introduction since we're here to figure out "what is wrong with me"! I will give you the first clue by saying most of my years (at least 50) were lived in chaos, to put it mildly.

The saying "kids learn what they live" is very true. I ended up reliving a LOT, but not all of the chaos that my mother created for my sister and me. For instance, she was married 5 times, but to only 3 men....married two of them twice. She divorced my father when I was 3 and I didn't see or hear from him until I was 18. Then connected with him again when I was 50....not much of the "father/daughter" thing I've always heard so much about. By the way, I only married and divorced twice. I decided to remain single since 1982.

Another good example of the chaos of my life...I never attended the same school for a full year until 10th grade because we moved so often, sometimes 3 schools in one year. I will say this...I certainly learned to make friends fast and could get along with anyone! I always looked at it as a benefit, although I didn't realize how the instability was causing internal trauma.

Fortunately I realized that I needed to make sense of why I was so unsettled, depressed and uncomfortable with my adult life even though I was outgoing, friendly and always cheerful to the outside world. I sought therapy on and off, read a lot of psychology books and finally hit one that gave me the answer:  

Addicted to Misery: The Other Side of Co-Dependency Paperback – January 1, 1989

by Robert A. Becker (Author)

Discusses the impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family, explains why codependents come to fear happiness, and offers advice on developing a more positive attitude towards life

So, this is how I figured out why I am like am...at least the beginning of figuring it out. And it really is the simplified version for the purpose of this blog!! I always have a difficult time going into details because I want to look forward, not relive my life. That's the same reason I don't write a book like many people (even my son) have suggested. If you're that interested, you can read the blog back from 2006. I also found out recently that my biggest problem--procrastination--is caused by the depression I've learned to live with. And now we're back to the original ??.

    

I keep busy taking care of my houseplants and doing my watercolor painting! I try to keep up with world news and with politics, go to lunch with friends, visit with the grandkids and generally lead a quiet, comfortable life. I'll add some photos to end this and hopefully will blog again before the year ends!! 

Here's where I am now at 77...still single, living in a small senior apt., in a small town in Michigan near most of my kids and grandkids....my oldest son and his family (3 kids) live in TX. I spent 7 years living there with them before moving back to MI. I'm pretty sure I blogged during those years.

Me in my apartment which is my "studio"! :) This was St. Patrick's Day this year....

With my daughter and her family at granddaughter's b'day dinner this month.

 

My "studio"...

One of my latest pet portraits.

 

First Live concert since 1977...

I guess you'd say I'm not that into crowds! LOL! Fortunately, I have a good friend going with me and she used to work at the venue so I feel more confident! Plus it's outdoors so won't feel cooped up....it's really strange that this even came into my mind. I guess I will explore this further...

First, I guess I should tell you who I'm going to see...The Steve Miller Band. I had to look up their songs AFTER I bought the tickets! Luckily I found several songs that I've always liked!!

I've never once thought about feeling anxious about going somewhere, but I have to admit that I am. I think maybe it's a residual effect of the pandemic, at least partly so. The whole world was affected in one way or another and many of us became introverts and hermits from 2+ yrs of lockdowns and restrictions and changes to whatever was "normal" to each of us. So, with that and my age, I've become more introspective as well.

I'm glad I went to the concert though, if just to shut people up that I need to "get out and do things"! I don't think they realize how much I enjoy staying home, painting, growing my houseplants, watching tv and just doing nothing if I feel like it! :) 

Maybe I will go to another one someday, but it would have to be someone like James Taylor to get me out there again! I don't really like dealing with crowds and traffic! :) 

Forgot to mention my other hobby...watching trials on Law & Crime Network....fascinating! I remember watching the OJ trial way back when (Sep 26, 1994 – Oct 3, 1995), and then the most recent major trial of Derek Chauvin in 2021. There are some big ones coming up for the former president, but no telling when.

I am still hoping to get subscribers to chime in (or just READ) on my blog, but I am still holding back as far as promoting it and inviting people. Still hard to be totally transparent. 

 

Just Me, Myself and I...

 That's who reads this blog...or if anyone reads it, they don't leave comments. :( It's my own fault of course, since I am so irregular with my posts, but after this many years I will just keep on posting when the spirit hits me! I have invited members of my pages to come here, but I'm still cautious...don't know why I don't want certain people to read it.

So! Here we are in July and my last post was March!! I actually have to go back to my photos on the computer to remember what I was doing in the months since then! I keep all my photos in folders named by year and month...then I make folders for individual people or topics. I can get lost for hours once I start looking through my photos!

Here's something that made me smile just now when I realized I hadn't changed my wall calendar to July. Last Christmas I made calendars of some of my best photos to give as gifts and of course kept one for myself. I didn't realize that July's image was my ALL TIME favorite, as you can see here. :) I took that in 2012 on a nature trail that I walked every day and have a framed copy on my desk.

I really miss being able to walk on that trail, but I'm so fortunate that 11 yrs later I have a lovely place to walk just out the back door of my apartment building. I am not able to walk every day (depends on my arthritis), but when I do I am still able to enjoy nature. There's a creek, trees, ducks and geese (babies too) and a wooden bridge to cross over. This is where I get beautiful photos like this: 

It's also nice because I meet other nice people who are walking their dogs or their babies. 

Actually, it is the anticipation of what kind of photos I might get that keeps me heading out for a walk, which is so important at my age! Great motivation!

I've got two new paintings to do and just finished this one of a pet that has crossed over the bridge and have been commissioned to do another dog and a people portrait! I'm very comfortable now doing pets, but still quite anxious about humans!

So I will try once again to entice some viewers to my blog and hope to see some comments this month! :)