Falling into the rabbit hole?

Happy February! If you have had (or will have) a birthday this month, I'm sending you soooo many good wishes! This was one of my early Minnie Pauz cartoons. :)

I'm trying to remember what may have been one of my last ones, but it's been so long that I don't think I could figure it out. I do know that it was before 2013, because that was when my hard drive crashed and I lost the programs I had been using for years to finish each cartoon (coloring, etc) AND update my website. Also lost a lot of my photos I had saved that year.

That was when I fell into the rabbit hole of depression and was unable to find the motivation to draw or write a newsletter. At that point I had been doing Minnie Pauz for 15 years, probably longer, but when it crashed I couldn't rev up the energy to draw or learn a new program to put it all back together.

I was 50 when I started Minnie Pauz and 65 when the bottom fell out so that was basically my "middle age". Guess what? I'm 73 now! And even though remnants of Minnie Pauz are still there, (www.minniepauz.com and on Facebook plus this one for those of you who are also seniors), I'm still trying to climb out of the rabbit hole! My life has had many twists and turns like most of yours have, I'm sure. 

At this point I'm realizing (or admitting) that I'm not "middle-aged" any longer! I think I'm accepting being a SENIOR pretty well, but still not able to lift myself totally out of the rabbit hole.

I DO still rely on humor to keep myself climbing up instead of sinking any further down! How about you? What keeps you moving forward? Please use the comments below to share how you do it. I also find a lot of comfort and satisfaction in my hobbies of houseplants, photography and painting.

I'm in a safe and comfortable situation now, with most of my kids & grandkids nearby, with pretty good health (other than T2, psoriatic arthritis and sleep apnea LOL) and good insurance so I decided to try therapy to figure out how to... 

1. Find the Me that I love & admire (so much curiosity & enthusiasm)

2. Manage the regrets from the past (instead of reliving them constantly)

3. Make my kids and grandkids proud of me

Between Covid and Michigan weather, I'm fortunate that I can do online therapy and although I don't think I've found the right one yet, I feel I've taken a step forward in my quest for finding the fresh air and pleasant feelings and thoughts for the rest of my Senior time on earth. :) Could be 20 more years!!!!! My Mom is almost 94!

Next blog... Donating my entire body to science!

Is it Menopause or Old Age? Only 6 months behind schedule!!

 

When I left you last, it was July 2021! Good Heavens, do you think I procrastinate? I think this picture is is good to pull July 2021 together with January 2022!

A lot has happened since my last post, but since I'm trying to get caught up again, I think I will choose my favorite picture from each month, plus a short description.

I quit making New Year resolutions a long time ago. Guess why? Nevermind. I just want you to know that this is proof I don't give up when there's something I really want to do, and I want to do this! So here we go again! :)

This pic is actually July 31, but I'm including it for August since the happiness overflowed when my Daughter married her love! Perfect day, perfect location, perfect match!

Also, youngest Grandson turned 8 and youngest Granddaught turned 4! It's great to still have g-kids this age since the other 6 are from 16-26 now! ♥

In September I really got into painting! Well, I made this collage in Sept. :) One for the wedding, one for the 4 yr. old, one for my oldest Grandson...he worked on a schooner in Maine. The cat belongs to my oldest Granddaughter and was my first attempt at doing an animal. I was quite pleased with it and so was she! The cat has ears in the original. LOL

I have since done a dog and a cat for friends when their pet passed away. :(

So, October brought a shocking event! My middle child turned 50!! (obviously, my first born has already passed that marker so I'm experienced at this! :) 

This was a special birthday considering there were several years of addiction that made me wonder if he would even make it to this stage of his life. I'm so happy to report that he's in recovery, married 2 years to a wonderful woman and stepfather to a darling 4 yr. old girl...my 8th grandchild!!

"On November 30, 2021, a mass shooting occurred at Oxford High School in the Detroit exurb of Oxford Township, Michigan, United States. Four students were killed and 7 others were injured, including 1 teacher"

Thank GOD they had a normal Thanksgiving with their children, but unfortunately for those four families it will be remembered as their last normal Thanksgiving. A tragedy for our community that will never be forgotten. :(

 

I thought the least I could do was show my face in December! :) I had to push myself to smile because for the entire month, I kept thinking of the families who would probably never celebrate the holidays with joy ever again.

I was so aware of how blessed I am that I have my kids and grandkids in my life! Even with covid, there was a LOT of hugging going on this year! You can't stay 6 ft. away and touch elbows after you've seen how young lives can be cut short like this!

So here we are at the end of January You do know I'm in Michigan, right?) and I'm just getting caught up! That's ok, right? It's not how many times you fall (or fail), it's how many times you get back up and try again! 

I have a new year to try to fill with interesting and compelling posts that will not only bring you love and laughter, but will also help me to challenge myself to make the changes I need to be a better me!

Although I said I don't make New Year resolutions, I do plan on bringing all my MinniePauz pages back to life. That includes www.minniepauz.com as well as the Facebook Minnie Pauz and the AFTER the PAUSE with Minnie Pauz (for those of us who are living the life after menopause!). I just found out that my website has been down for awhile. :(  GoDaddy is trying to figure out why it's down, but that is why I want to get things going again. 

Please join me on the Facebook pages! Today (1-28-22) I will be doing my very first FB Live! Should be a riot since I'll be talking to myself and answering questions that viewers post... I HOPE!! hahahah....join me at 1pm Eastern!

Thank you to those of you who hang around and I would love to get a few comments on this blog. It has gone from being about Menopause and Minniepauz cartoons to being a middle-aged woman and now...??? I need your imput! Ok, I'm off to play Wordle for today! :)

What is courage to you?

The title of this post sounds like it might be very deep, doesn't it? Well, it's actually not...in fact, it was born of pretty shallow thoughts.

I decided to publish my newest watercolor paintings and that takes courage! LOL! I've shown a few in a private FB group that has all levels of watercolor artists, and I've shown a few friends, but to me this is the next step. I think I'm only brave here because not many are following my blog. :)

So here goes... on my birthday this past April, my daughter gave me something I had been wanting for a long time...watercolor supplies!

It took me awhile to actually put any paint on paper, but after rearranging my "studio" space (my kitchen table) 

and watching many "beginner" how-to watercolor videos, 

I gave myself permission to play instead of expecting something professional to flow out of my brush! 

I learned to tape my paper down and how to blend the colors and I started getting more brave as I realized it was just paper and I could always start over if I felt I messed up. It was very exciting to feel frustration being replaced by enjoyment! I have a new hobby! :) 

Once I was feeling more confident I started getting ideas of everything I wanted to paint! First of all was a wedding gift for my daughter and her fiance...I knew I wanted to do a sunflower for her and since he is a lineman (electrical), I went looking for ideas for him. It took me 2 months, but I was happy with the results! And they were amazed! :)

 So, today I am feeling brave about showing my work online! I'm working on more paintings that I can't show until they are gifted, but I'm happy to break the ice about being courageous even about small things!

I also want to mention that I'm meeting many women around my age who are doing something for the first time and I want to enCOURAGE them to step out of their comfort zones and be proud of their efforts!

A little late re my promise...

 ...but, then again, it's never too late! Of course I'm talking about my promise to post every day...oops! Do we always put a guilt trip on ourselves when we don't keep a promise? Probably, even though this was not a live or die promise, I still kept reminding myself of what I "should" do. I have so many excuses even though I don't have to answer to anyone except myself. Here I am today so, to me I'm back on track! :)

Since my last post I have been painting and fighting with fungus gnats! Hahaha...quite a busy schedule, as you can imagine! :) They might not sound related, but one of those gnats literally landed on a freshly painted picture and it was all I could do not to smash the little "f***er"! That is how much rage they bring to my day!

My houseplants are my sanity, as well as my pride and joy for the past year and a half, and I went almost that full time without gnats (different from fruit flies). These buggers love moist dirt. To make a long story short, mine arrived in a new bag of medium made specifically for cactus & other plants that need quick draining. I transplanted a succulent arrangement that I got for my birthday. I didn't notice the gnats until I had already filled that planter AND put some into my other plants! :(

 

Naturally, I went to google and to my houseplant group and tried all the tips they gave me. It's gotten better but dealing with them is very frustrating! :)

So this is my catch-up day and hopefully, I'll be here tomorrow to chat about something more pleasant than fungus gnats!! LOL

Today's priority was ....

 I spent the entire day concentrating on practicing my watercoloring! I watched several videos on youtube (so nice to be able to watch on my tv instead of the computer) and I found a new artist to follow--Peter Sheeler from Canada.

Love his work! He uses ink to sketch first and then very loose watercolor strokes for background or the illusion of something. Today I watched him paint this mailbox. He doesn't chatter while painting and I like that also...just some gentle music. :)

Here's an article about him from the UK and of course you can do a google search to see all his images and more: 

https://bluedoorworkshop.co.uk/about-peter/

So that was my day and now I have to keep my promise and post one of my own photos that will imply what my priority was today.

 

 Tomorrow....houseplants! :)

Priorities...hard to figure them out!

The title refers to this blog...I'm still trying to figure out what my priorities are here! To be so indecisive is exhauting! And I'm still not sure how many people are reading it. 

Those who ARE reading it are not commenting so that makes me believe I'm not being interesting, profound or even mildly worthy. :) Ok, I'm feeling sorry for myself now...it's my own fault. I know very well that if I promote the blog (via Facebook, Twitter or Instagram), I would get new followers...BUT, I feel that I need to have a clear perspective and for now, I'm still all over the place.

I've been procrastinating about posting this month, as I have for years, and it's always about how open do I want to be, how personal, how funny, how serious. I decided today that I want to show either my photography or my watercolor projects. 

Believe it or not, I just gave myself another idea! What if, until I figure out my priorities here, I just post at least one photo each day for the rest of the month? Each day the photo should represent something about that day--be it an emotion, an activity, a disappointment or a joy. I like it!! I will post at the end of the day and it could be one photo or maybe a collage to express that day. :) 

In case you're wondering about the watercolor projects...don't think I'm ready to show them yet, but soon!

I hope I can remember to do this each day. And since today is just starting, the only thing I can think of is the sun coming out from behind the clouds! :)

Here's to figuring out your priorities one day at a time!

 Happy Birthday to me! :)

These birthdays seem to be coming faster and faster! Could have sworn I just had one! This is #73, but don't really feel that old. 

I wrote that on the 27th of April...didn't get very far. My daughter and her Fiance took me to dinner and gave me some lovely gifts - watercolor supplies!

Now it is the 9th of May...Mother's Day and I'm trying again! :) It's cold (45°) here in Michigan with possibly some rain and I will be home watching and waiting for the Cardinal babies to hatch outside my bedroom window.

 

They've been a joy to watch, even though pictures are through window and screen most of the time! :)

So, with birdwatching, photography, learning to paint with watercolors and taking care of my houseplants, I really haven't felt bored or "closed in" after more than a year of the pandemic. 

The next chapter

Whew! I almost let March pass by without a post! Mostly because I was going to continue with my description of my life from the youngest I could remember (age 3), hence the title of this post. But something has kept me from sticking with that idea...for now. I'm not sure if it's laziness, procrastination, fear or what!

I'm still struggling with finding my authentic voice and deciding how open I'm going to be and who I'm willing to share it with. I'm totally comfortable with sharing with people I don't know, but not with family or most friends. It seems kind of ridiculous to think people would be interested in my private life, so why do I keep posting and publishing here? Part of it is because I love to write and since I threw my 22-yrs' worth of journals away (in 2012), I still have the desire to write.

So, I will try to stay focused and keep posting, even if it's short like this one. :) For now, I will share another moonshot that I just took...the one above was taken March 3 and this one March 20...

I really hope to find out who is reading and who is interested in staying connected even if you don't want to post replies.

Just let me know, ok?

 

I woke up at 3:45 this morning on the tail-end of a dream and then the "almost conscious" waking up time and decided I HAVE to write a book! I've had so many people tell me that over the years, but have always said I don't want to relive most of it so why would I write it all down? Now I'm thinking that this blog may be as close as I come to writing my life story...and I have pictures! 

The problem is I'm still not willing and able to put it all out there and then actually tell people where they can read it. Maybe I'm afraid of being judged. That sounds logical.

I've got one younger picture, but can't find it at the moment. I don't remember anything from this age...

  

I was about 2 in this photo with my paternal grandmother and although I don't remember her, I have distinct memories of the house!And I have inherited her chin(s)! :)

 I have a memory of being taken away from my mother at age 3 and although I've been told what it was about, my father and his new wife got custody of my sister and I for a short time, I have no memories of that time period. I do have some pictures and even that does not trigger any concious memory of him or her. 

Ok, this is the beginning of my timeline...mostly to get my life in order for ME.  More to come soon. :)

First month of 2021 in the bag...

 So! I'm doing great for this year...I will definitely keep up with posting this time! I will also be showing photos I have taken. This Wood Duck was a huge surprise in the creek behind my apartment! First time I ever saw one in person!

We still have so much going on in the world with politics and the pandemic, so I shouldn't have any trouble finding a topic!

I do hope to engage with other people who have something to say, whether it is about general issues or something personal. I keep thoughts and feelings about most things very close to the chest, but all it takes is finding someone who wants or needs to talk about something and I'm ready to open up. 

Ok, I'll try something new...asking you what you think.

1. Have you lost relationships (family or friends) because of your political beliefs?

2. Do you have a favorite recipe that everyone raves about?

3. What kind of traditions have you created with your grandchildren (or children)?

4. How are you dealing with the Covid-19 situation? Are you getting the vaccine?

So there we go...a starting place! :) Choose to answer one or all and even ask your own question for us! 

See you next month! ♥ Dee

 Still watching all the fallout from the events at the Capitol last week. I'm glad to see that they are finding many of the people (who were so proud to be on video or in photos). It's so hard to believe this has all happened in our country. And then the President was impeached for the second time. Holy smokes!

I just pray that no one else is hurt or killed as we go through the inauguration of a new President and Vice-President. It should be an exciting time for the nation, but will be tempered with concern and worry and stress for many. 

So what else is going on in your world? Crazy weather? Weight gain? Missing the grandkids? Hmmm...I just mentioned some of MY issues. 

The biggest (literally) for me right now is the weight. I keep trying to get back to doing what I KNOW works for me (low carb), but this addiction to sweets is hard to switch off!

I'm starting to resemble a certain cartoon character!!

Hoping to see some comments soon :) 

 

How quickly things change in the world...

 So, this is the day after the White House was overrun, defaced and basically, rendered shutdown for several hours. I haven't been able to write about it on social media at all, but here I feel safe.

On one hand, I feel disturbed and unsettled after watching the entire event from beginning to end. I could stop watching until I couldn't keep my eyes open. On the other hand, I feel confident that our world will right itself eventually. It just takes longer than usual for some people to draw the line as to what they will accept. 

I will be happy to discuss everything with you, if anyone decides they would like to post here. I still haven't put out a notice that this blog is "open for business". I'm such a chicken, but I may just do it today.

In the meantime, I will leave you with this and hope to hear from you soon. I would like to find out how you feel about our country after all that's happened this year.

To continue catching up...

I'm going to get caught up on a few more things about the past year, and then I'm going to try to get some of my followers back here and find out what everyone wants to talk about. It can't be just about me and there's a huge gap between where I started (Minnie Pauz) and where I am now.

One of biggest changes in my life since I moved back to Michigan is the wonderful addition of a granddaughter and a daughter-in-law! That was great since the boys were outnumbering us girls quite heavily! :) So, NOW we are even! (At least counting the adults with the kids) :) Still have 5 grandsons and 3 granddaughters! (this picture was 5 yrs ago)

So meet Miss Lucy Grace! I just love her name and she is a sweetheart as you can see! Her Momma married my son in Nov. 2019 and I was so happy to be there! They have just passed their 1 year anniversary and Lucy is going to be 4 in August. She loves to read and play the ukelele and have tea parties!

Now we are on to whatever comes to mind, not just for me but for you also. I hope to hear from many of you about what your life is like and what issues seem to crop up most often...the good and the bad. As I mentioned, I will be tracking you down one by one and dragging you over here to help this blog come alive again! :) For now this is my second post in only 4 days so you can imagine how exhausted I am! LOL!! Hope to hear from you soon! Dee

 

Another New Year, Another promise to keep posting!

 Let me apologize once again for leaving you hanging for 16 months! Holy Moly, I am truly going to try to keep this blog updated on a regular basis now that I am more "settled" than I have been since 2012. As you can see from my photo, I've gone through a few changes, but don't worry because I think I've found the antidote...YOU!!

LOL! At least I haven't lost my sense of humor! I have a lot of work to do though, to get my followers back! This 2nd day of 2021 seems to be a good place to start, right?

Ok, it's been 14 months since my last post and I was getting ready to move back to Michigan after living in TX for 7 years. There were no comments on that post so I will start from there and hope followers will catch up. 

I arrived back in Michigan in October 2019, just in time for Halloween and moved into my daughter's upstairs bedroom to wait for my name to come up on the list for an apartment at a lovely 55 & older place called Heritage Place Apartments. At the time, there was no indication of how long the wait would be, but I was very happy to be back with my Michigan family and friends. Also was hoping to make up some lost time with my youngest grandson. I made yearly visits from TX after he was born, but had missed the daily or weekly relationship that I had enjoyed with the other 6 grandkids!

I will never forget the surprise and happiness I felt when I got a call from the apartment manager that, due to many unexpected circumstances, I was going to get my apt. in January...at least 6 mo. sooner than expected! After 7 years of living with my son and his family, I was going to be in my own place again!!

Now I have been in my apartment for a full year I feel really settled in and ready to get back to sharing and caring with other women. My "outreach" to women began back in 1997 (I think) when I created Minnie Pauz. That led to creating this blog in 2006, when I was still a "middle-aged" woman, LOL! 

Now I'm a senior citizen👵 so I may have to change the name of the blog, but I will wait until I see who is going to hang in here with me. 

Here we are on January 2, 2021, in the middle of a pandemic and about to change Presidents...and I'm trying to revive the connection with all of you that has motivated and encouraged me for years to find out things about myself that I had never imagined. I have so much I want to tell you now, but first I will get out there (virtually) and find you and pull you back into my web! LOL! I will be BEGGING you to comment on this post so I know you're there listening and then I will continue to make up for my abandonment! Then I will try to make you laugh again! Oh, just so you know I haven't turned into a cat, here I am with my Covid 20 lbs.

Actually, this was before covid. I'm not allowing any pictures until it's all over and I can lose the 20 lbs!! Let me know how you've been handling all the shutdowns and quarantines. I hope and pray that no one has lost a loved one or friend to this awful virus! Join others on my two Minnie Pauz facebook pages. #1 and #2 for us seniors! Love you all!

So....I had to quit the job cutting vegetables at Albertson's, because of the arthritis. even though I was only working 5 hrs a day, it was really hard on my hands, my feet and lower back. 

I was kind of bummed to have to quit because I liked working in the back and especially happy that I wasn't working in the bakery!! Oh my goodness! That would have been a challenge for sure! At least I could snack on healthy stuff! :)
A few months after I left, the store was closed and all the employees were spread out to other spots. I hated to see it also because it was the closest place to run in and pick up whatever you needed. 


In September of 2017, I went to work on the weekends only, at Legend Oaks Rehabilitation & Healthcare facility, rightaround the corner from where I live. They didn't have anyone to do activities with the residents on Saturday and Sunday and since my other job was to drive the grandkids to school and pick them up during the week, the weekend was just what I wanted! 

This has almost changed my life! Honestly, I have such an awareness now of what the aged are going through. I've learned about dementia and alzheimers and about trying to help the elderly live with dignity and respect. I was hired to do activities on the weekend so we had Bingo, fun exercises, Spa Day, worship services, visits from comfort dogs, and music entertainment. Here's a collage of some of my favorite times and people! 

After two years of walking 2-4 miles a day at work and pushing 10-15 wheelchairs back and forth to activities or out to the patio for some fresh air and chit chat, I noticed that I was having back spasms that came from limping because of pain in my foot. I also had a burning sensation in my left elbow, so after a visit with several doctors, I found out I had a fractured toe, inflamed Achilles and plantar fasciitis on my right foot and tennis elbow on my left arm! I was off work for a month and it finally became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to return to work there because I would most surely just injure the same places. 




So now I'm caught up and the latest news is that I am moving back to Michigan in mid-October and will be able to "grow up" with my youngest grandchild (for now), who is 6! 

For those who have been following me on Facebook, there are plenty of posts of my kids and grandkids...like the latest of my two grandsons here in TX in 2012 and 2019. :) 

At my age now (71), it's time to find a place to settle down. I need to be near the kids and I guess I've seen what's to come in another 15-20 yrs., but I can't help but think about a cabin in the woods (with wifi, of course), wild animals strolling by and beautiful scenery to take photos of! Of course, I'll make do with what I have and enjoy being able to share with all of you! 

Leave your comments below...about anything I've written or about something in your life you want to talk about. I love hearing from you! ♥

If you thought 2 years was a long time between posts....

How about 3 years? Oh my goodness...I swear it's not Alzheimers! I've learned a lot about that topic since working at a nursing home for the past two years and will be hitting on the topic seriously in the next few posts.

What has happened in the last 3 years? Well, I've gotten older for one thing! I've entered my 70's for another thing! I'm now 71 1/2 years old!! And please don't try to trick me and say I'm 71 1/2 years young. That does not make me feel younger!! LOL!  I'll tell you what makes me feel younger...working in a nursing home! Now that I've mentioned it twice, I will catch you up on all that later, but first I will go back and catch you up from where I left off in 2016 (the last post).

I've had 3 new jobs since I last posted and I have to say, they've all been quite interesting, part-time, but every little bit helps, right? The first one was a crossing guard at a middle school. I had the best time making the kids smile in the morning as they were trudging to school and then seeing their bounding joy as they came the other way in the afternoon! LOL! 

I had to give that job up at the end of the year since I would be  driving my own grandkids to totally different school, so when I said my last goodbyes, the kids gave me hugs and we took pictures to remember each other by. :) It was a joy and I would recommend this job to anyone who wants a fun job!


My next job was at Albertson's grocery store and I actually started it while I was doing the crossing guard job since I could work inbetween the school hours. I worked in the produce dept. cutting up vegetables for the "take out" section. Not exactly sure what they called it. Here's pictures to explain. The first is my uniform, next is my work station and the result.

  

I've got to show you something else I did at Albertson's...making coleslaw! Oh my goodness! I never saw so much coleslaw in my life! LOL! Same with guacamole!!  

NOTE: i was trying to post more after the picture of the guacamole, but having trouble so I will post this now and come back to it after I get some help! :)