Sunday, February 17, 2008

Gay menopause....

Kind of an oxymoron, right? :) But I'm not talking about "happy" menopause, although I swear I got an email from someone who said they had never had one hotflash or moodswing in the 9 years since their period stopped, so maybe there is such a thing.

I was watching CBS Sunday Morning and they had an excellent piece on Suzy Orman, one of my favorite experts. She gives excellent financial advice and is especially interested in helping women become financially independent. She's inspirational to me because she said she wasn't that smart when she was younger and she brought herself from poverty to being a billionaire! I watch her tv show often and always catch her when she's on Oprah or any other talk show. Just love and admire her!

I had no idea she was gay! It doesn't matter, of course, but I'm surprised that I never heard anything about it. This brought to mind about gay couples (lesbians) going through menopause. Plenty of good/bad stuff here!

If one menopausal woman in the house is tough, what if there are TWO? You can see where the bad would come into play, but what about the good? WEll....having your partner REALLY understand what you're going through would be a plus, wouldn't it?

What if the women are 5 or 6 years apart in age? This brings to mind Rosie O'Donnell and her life partner. I think Rosie is a few years ahead of Kelli. Uh oh....that means possibly going through it all TWICE!! I wouldn't call that GOOD, would you? Another couple is Ellen and Portia. Ellen just turned 50 recently and I've heard her mention being warm a few times on her show. :)

What if one has it really, really tough and the other breezes through with no problems? Even thought one might be happy that their loved one doesn't have to suffer, can you spell R-E-S-E-N-T-M-E-N-T?

Considering that perimenopause and the entire process through post-menopause can last anywhere from 4 to 15 years, this can be quite a strain on a relationship. I found one book titled: Off the Rag: Lesbians Writing on Menopause but it looks like it's out of print. (you might be able to get a used copy though) Here's what the description/review said: This book offers a full range of the often unpredictable experiences of menopause from a large and varied group of women. For lesbians, it is a dramatic departure from many other menopause books which treat this natural occurrence as something which makes us less "womanly," or something which inteferes with the sexual pleasure of a male partner. Traditional hormone replacement therapies and alternative herbal and naturopathic remedies, as well as doing nothing at all for uncomfortable symptoms are offered in these women's stories. The book encourages women to follow our own best instincts and to persevere until we get the help we need, if that's what we want.

My conclusion is....I'm still glad I was not married or in a relationship when I went through MY change! I've always said that I saved some guy a lot of heartache because he didn't have to put up with me during menopause!

How do you feel? Would you rather go through it alone or with your partner/mate?


  1. Not sure that's a choice in some cases. Even if you're married, you can still be going through it alone.

  2. Very true, Sandie, but usually if there's someone else living in the same house as you, there's some kind of interaction. For instance, what about if you want the bedroom cooler at night, but your partner is freezing?

    I still say it's much easier to suffer alone than to try to convince another person how miserable it is. :) You should join the forum! You certainly won't feel alone there!

  3. For lesbians, it is a dramatic departure from many other menopause books which treat this natural occurrence as something which makes us less "womanly," or something which interferes with the sexual pleasure of a male partner.